Thursday, November 12, 2009

Long Time

Hi guys check out my other blog where I have and excuse for being gone for so long

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Dancer's Diet

Unlike the common public Dancer's need plenty of carbohydrates and simple sugars in their diet, in fact it would be a horrible idea for a dancer to cut them out. Because of out fast passe lifestyle and our extensive use of our muscles the cards store up as muscle instead of fat and/or are burned in the work out. With the general public this does not apply.

"A few foods that are rich in 'complex carbohydrates' are:


•whole grain breads

•wheat pastas

•bran and grain cereals


A few foods that are rich in 'simple sugars' are:


•desserts and sweets

•soft drinks


Monday, August 3, 2009

Hi Hi

Hey you guys sorry I haven't blogged in ages. I just haven't really had a topic. lol anyway just comment on this, if you have an issue that you'd like me to discuss feel free to ask lol. <3

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Sasha (part three)

I listened hard. He was watching me and knew that I knew. Worst of all he was enjoying it, he was enjoying my pain, the man who once told me that my smile lit up his life was revelling in my pain and growing apathy. I gazed across the floor at the stairs, I had dropped the gun on my painful decent. I slowly tiptoed towards it, keeping my awareness peaked and picked it up. I stared up the stair case and remembered.
I was so happy once on these stairs. It was twelve years ago, Christmas. I had just turned eight and Pasha nine. My mother and stepfather, Pasha’s father, through balls every Christmas.
‘Sasha my dear! Come down and show us how you look in your new ball gown!’
‘Alexandra, we know how she looks, she is your daughter, she will be a vision, isn’t that right Pasha?’
‘Yes father.’
I appeared at the top of the staircase in my new white ball gown. It was silk and embroidered with crystals. I was wearing my mother’s diamond necklace and earrings and my grandmothers sapphire ring and my hair was put up.
‘Oh Sasha, you look-’ my mother began.
‘Beautiful.’ Pasha finished.
‘Thank you Pasha, you are so kind, I am happy that you are my new brother.’ my mothers eyes watered. We proceeded to the ball room where there were upwards of thirty guests. Some looked at me and whispered things like;
‘Is that Sasha? Oh she is so beautiful.’
‘Look at her so grown up, she would be the perfect match for our Henryk.’
‘What a beautiful young lady, time goes by too fast.’
‘Didn’t that vixen kill her father?’
I was so happy and thought it would last forever. The waltz began to play and everyone paired off, I stoop in the middle of the floor alone.
‘Would you do me the honour?’
I turned to she Pasha slightly bowed with his hand extended.
‘It would be my pleasure.’ we danced for a few moments in silence until-
‘I think you and I are a match just as fitting as our parents.’ he said gazing at my steel blue eyes.
‘I have enjoyed your company as of late.’ I said blushing.
‘And I yours. As much as a tragedy your father’s death was, it has had a silver lining.’
‘Yes, this is the happiest I have been since he died, if not ever.’
‘I don’t believe them you know.’
‘The rumours, that you, well, you must have heard something. Anyway I know you didn’t. You are too beautiful to take a life.’ I was quiet for a few moments, my head down. Then I looked at him and smiled.
‘Pasha, I, we,’ I sighed ‘let us be loyal to each other forever and never separate.’
‘Of course. And I will do anything for you.’ he said. I smiled at him and blushed again.
‘Your smile is like an angel’s, it lights up the sky, this room, my life and my heart.’ he whispered. I slowly rested my head on his shoulder and we danced. I wanted to die there, I would have died happy and accomplished.
Without anymore hesitation I through my hair back and briskly cantered to the door. Looking back I saw the room light up and music began to play, the Russian waltz.
‘Bastard!’ I muttered, knowing he heard. I ran out into the snow towards the stables keeping my gun and crucifix necklace gripped in either hand. The stables weren’t that far from the main house but fatigue, sorrow and pain made the journey drone. I reached the door with great relief and I sighed, half of the battle was won. Or so I thought.
When opening the door the horses remained silent. I was shocked. Usually Valia whinnied at anyone’s arrival into her abode. In a frantic worry I flung the door open to have my fears realized. All three of my once beautiful horses had had their throats slit ear to ear. I didn’t have time to mourn them. I swiftly made my exit and ran to forest. There was an orchard near hear. I was sure they would have horses I could take one of theirs, or would they have been slaughtered too? Pasha could move much quicker than me, he knows me so well. He will always be two steps ahead of me.
I stopped dead. I had ran deep into the forest. No creature could be heard, all I could hear was the soft fall of the snow. I stared into the dark. Something was staring back. Was it Pasha? Or something else?
‘Anastasia!’ I screamed, ‘You spiteful whore! I vow on my life I will have your head!’
‘Pardon?’ a young girls voice answered, ‘I’m sorry ma’am I am not Anastasia.’ she had a country accent.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Sasha (part two)

My eyes widened, my heart began to race and the more I begged it to slow down It harder it pounded against my chest.
‘Do you truly think that those clothes are appropriate for dinning?’ he grinned again, his skin and eyes paler than before. I began to sink into his pale eyes, I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame, and if I gave in I would have the same fate as the moth. My mind told me no but my heart and lust told me yes. My neck tingled, lips pouted and nipples hardened.
‘You smell like vanilla, my love.’ He whispered in my ear. My eyes flashed open. My heart stopped for a split second and I was overcome by a mourning rage.
‘You smell just like blood, and the maid is dead!’ I sternly announced while my heart resumed its tell tale gallop. He stood behind me now on the step just above the one where I had stood where Pasha found me. I spun around avoiding his eyes and taking out his hand gun while my riding cape was still catching up with my body. I raised it to his head.
‘What is the matter? Are you not happy to see me?’ His bottom lip pouted just as it did when he was alive, I became sick with rage, ‘its me Pa-’
‘YOU ARE NOT PASHA!’ My heart pounded and my eyes again swelled with tears. ‘Pasha is dead, you are not the man I once knew.’
‘The man you once knew and loved, and my dear you are right I am not him, I am improved.’
‘Loosing your soul is an improvement to you?’ I raised the gun to his head.
‘Guns won’t solve anything.’ he said putting his lips to the barrel. He was right it was pointless shooting him, I should have shot him a day before, saving him from this damned existence he was to live. However I stayed still, rooted to the step as if I were a statue. He kissed the barrel and with his chin swept it aside gently, I dropped my hand to my side lifelessly. He reached out for my waist to pull me close, for a moment I felt like giving in to his supernatural charm. For a moment I knew I would die.
‘NO.’ I whirled around and ran down five steps before feeling myself being yanked back, my legs flew up into the air and I landed hard on my back on my marble stairs. He had grabbed hold of by my riding cape and began to pull me back up the staircase. I grabbed the clasp and undid it and ran to the door, my chance at freedom. However dismounting the stair, my back already in pain I slipped on blood and slid straight into and smashing a delicate table holding my collection of Faberge eggs, which all fell and smashed on and around me.
I lay for a moment or two in shock and pain. Covered in blood, his again and my own, and glass I got up. The shard of glass stuck in my hands and knees. He was gone. This worried me even more than if he were closing in on me. I looked around easing towards the door, making sure to keep my eyes on all of my surroundings. I got to a window and leaned ton the windowsill. I knew is was watching me and even though I the tears willed to be let go I maintained my composure. I needed to get out. It had started snow heavily. I knew it would be suicide to go out in it but it would be worse complete masochism to stay.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sasha (part one)

I never intended for this to happen to him, or me, but as I lay there beside my stepbrother, Pasha, both of us covered in his blood, I knew that I would never say his name again without dropping to my knees in tears. After what seemed like three lifetimes I lifted my head to look at him, he looked so peaceful after the horror that had just happened, he was always so calm. I rose, my longs curls heavy and wet with his blood. However half way up I slipped on his crimson life and fell onto his lifeless and cooling body. I put my head on his chest willing his heart to beat and feeling the last of his warmth. My eyes swelled, my throat choked and I fully collapsed onto what was the body of my stepbrother, best-friend, ally and most of all my lover.I closed my eyes staying still, hoping that maybe his soul will feel mine and will him to life, or his will take me with him. but I was still breathing, and he wasn't. I begged my heart to slop beating, it went on. I tried to stop breathing, I lived. I stayed in the world I was born to. He went to the world that stole so many others from me. My eyelids became heavy and I gave in to the dark. As I slept I dreamed of snow and the tiger that I had once seen in Siberia when I was a young girl. Its steel eyes had pierced me like an icy knife, its loneliness entered me and I felt like it had possessed me, just before my father shot it.I woke and got up and made my way to the arm chair in the corner. The blood was still wet on the tiles but I didn't slip. I sat and lit a cigarette. I stared at his remains. He was gone, truly not in my world anymore and never again will he touch me. Never again will he smell my brown curls and tell me how I smell of vanilla. However I didn't feel a thing. My thoughts from before had become irrelevant. And I was running out of time. It was going to get dark soon. I made my way up the stairs of our mansion to the bathroom so I could bath. The water running red to pink to clear. I scrubbed my skin raw and as I stepped out onto the towel I had laid out I knew then my life from before was over and that nothing could hold me back.I dressed in my black riding clothes and looked and caressed all of my dresses, I would never wear or see any of them again. I opened my jewellery box and held my diamonds, none of them mattered anymore. I took Pasha's handgun from his bedside table and left a room I had put so much into, never to return. As I made my way to the entrance-hall where Pasha's body lay I prayed no one would see me leave.That however was the least of my worries. Half way down the stairs I stopped to stare at the pool of blood on what once was my prized Moroccan tile floor. The pool of blood where Pasha lay was now empty. I had taken too long. before I could think-'My love, your washed, I had the maid make us dinner.' he stood at the end of my staircase smiling at me. The empty shell of a man who once lived.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

I am in tears.I

I found out while watching Sex And The City I thought it was a cruel joke. So sad...

I have just learned that the man I admired, one of my idols, a dance icon has passed away. I am sorry to say that Micheal Jackson is dead. He was to me a great icon and a great man. A force in the music industry not to be reckoned with. I am in shock, shaking and my heart is pounding like a jackhammer I am crying while writing this and I just received a vulgar text message! I did not and do not believe the horrible rumours he was an amazing hero to me and if anyone wants to dare say a word against him you might as well castrate yourself honey because I'll do much worse! I don't want to make this entry sour as it is in his memory that I write this! Micheal Jackson was an idol to many and I based a lot of my dance style on his and I am going to make sure that his name as a dancer will be passed down through the generations. I never cry but here I am! Let me just leave it with this. He is away from despicable rumours paparazzi and out of pain. God rest his soul. I won't sleep tonight. My thoughts are with his kids and the rest of the Jackson Family!

you are not alone I am here with you though your far away I am here to stay you are not alone I am here with you though we're far apart your always in my heart ♥ ♥ ♥

My new cru

So I'm doing it! I'm getting a cru together. I've always wanted to do this and can't wait until its all materialized. My friend David and I sat down for drinks yesterday and talked about shit all. I finally mentioned I wanted to start up a dance cru and he said he'd be hella interested. Now I was all like "Awe dude, this would be great but how the fuck would we get it together?" then I though "fuck it bitch" cause I can do it! When we put our hearts and minds down on something we can make it possible and a reality!

Dancing solo is awesome and I love it but being in a cru y'all, you don't know how great the feeling is. Also the choreography has no limits with the more people you have. I want to make a cru of 3 boys and 3 girls, sounds perfect to me. I already have 2 boys, I count as one and the other is David. My friend Ethan wanted to join but I had to have a chat with him because he is a high school senior and has a job and a weekly dance class so I didn't think he could take the stress and he agreed. So its me and David. I want to make this cru as diverse as possible. It has me, uh weirdo, David, young black gay, and hopefully will get more mixture as we progress. The style I am used to is hip-hop and I love ballet, contemporary and lyrical. All completely different styles and that how I like my dancers, with the classical know-how but they got that bite of street butch! I'm looking forward to this and I wish i had more to write but I don't I am just totally spaced right now.... lol
OH I have been practicing my Australian accent... sound like New Zealand-ish... ok I will think of a prize for some one who can tell me what is the correct term for New Zealand-ish etc... and they open Wikipedia

OK y'all updates!
  • I have decided to see how I feel in September about the whole moving country shiz but honestly I don't know anything about my future right no so we'll have to see.
  • I totally loved this "The bunny part gave me this visual of the energizer bunny snorting cocaine...Hahahahaha!" made me giggle for hours and still does, so like me.
  • To Rain, my other sock got eating by my beast of a washing machine.
  • My friend who thought I was bitching about him is talking to me, kinda, and I'm keeping away from them for a while.
  • My hair has faded because of the sun... yes I'm afraid its not as dark and sexual as before unfortunately and my eyebrows are still blond so I have to use mascara.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Fallen Angel State Side?

You won't freaking believe how frustrating and complicated it is to explain the fact that you are broke! OK so chatting to my good friend in Texas, asks me to come over and says I should move to the states, (DUDE I'm an actor! WTF else do you think I wanna do?) and then one of my best friends in San Diego says the same thing and they're both all like "Yeah you just gotta stop being lazy." DOES THE "R" WORS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? I don't wanna upset anyone by saying recession, oops, oh well. Anyway so I have all these people saying that I should just move countries, continents even as if it were changing underwear (gave y'all a picture didn't I? Turned on?). But seriously I told both of them "I can't I'm broke and nowhere will hire me" They won't, my 17 year old little brother, love ya Stephen, who is fresh out of high school has more of a chance of getting a job than me, honestly its because I'm a clouts and they can tell in the interviews or whatever, evil horse fuckers! Eww WTF did I just Write? Oh well done now.. OK on other news... hm nothing going down really... OH YAH Hum My friend from SD was all like, "Oh just come to college here!" and I was like "Oh cool your college? What are the Fees like?" she said "Oh hum $300 a semester." A SEMESTER BITCH? I cannot afford a freaking new camcorder to make my YouTube videos so like hell I can afford that!

Oh my god...

Oh my god...

Oh my freaking god

and you guys know I never say "Oh my god" I say "Oh my gosh" but this deserves an "Oh my god"

someone just asked me to move to Canada... CANADA? WTF?


I'm breathing.....

Yeah so updates on previous posts time you guys...

Hum nothing has happened with my bitchy Lil friends I'm keeping out of it and I realized I used they're real names a couple times ha ha. Also the BoA album rocks my sock, I am usually sick of an album by now but no not this one this one I love. And I'm loving my new hair... did you notice my profile pic changed.. OMG I am so freaking sleep deprived... i also want to apologize because I just realized this is the second blog I complain about my financial state and I'm sorry y'all... OK so it is 1:30ish GMT I am on SD time so yeah woah awake like a bunny on speed, crack, and anything else it found in mama's drawers....

Oh my gosh don't you feel sorry for Stephen right now? He has to deal with this like all the time...

OK see y'all laters... ohm I just learned ttys the other day HA loves it... OK ciao...

Kisses... Oh and I shouted out to you Rain on my new YouTube vid cause you know your my gurl lol... OK what am I takin' cause I love it!!!



Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Blondes have more fun?

Guys I have changed my hair color as of yesterday...

I love it, and so do others and picture don't do it justice it is an amazing hair color and I love it on me.

It makes me look sophisticated and sexy I fine lol

as i said pictures don't do it justice,

but here is a pic...

as I am keeping it secret this is the first place I will be posting pictures of my new hair and I won't post them anywhere else for a while...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The lil low down on my life so far

Oh my gosh you guys how hard is it for me to freaking make it in showbiz? I never mentioned this but I auditioned for a movie about a month ago, name shall remain anonymous as I don't want a lawyer knocking on my door, and I heard from the director saying it was great! Nothing since. The movie was going to be shot in LA but they changed location to some place in Ohio... I think, anyway I am presuming that I so didn't get the part.,.. probably because I'm not American and the amount of paperwork that would have to be filled out to employ me would be so expensive... any ways I'm not bummed because I never got my hopes up really so... bleh... but I am kinda pissed that its so hard because I'm not in the right country... so gagging for a US visa right now.... a visa credit card too actually, DO YOU KNOW HOW BROKE I AM? oh my gosh I have no money... thank God I'm sick of going out... rumours and shit have started spreading about me and stuff its so annoying I wanna move somewhere to make a fresh start... was thinking Austin TX lol anyway thank you guys so much for reading... I'm posting a new video on YouTube where I look crap and Rain girl you should so get a YouTube Channel account just to subscriber and its so convenient because they suggest Videos you may like and you get to keep informed on your subscribers activity... I ended this a paragraph ago lol awesome well hope you guys are doing well and I'll talk to Stephen today and tell him to Blog omg its usually the other way around!!!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

heads up!

Hey guys. Life is actually going really slow lately, no dates, no nothing, I'm actually staying in a lot. Hum bad news... last night I got a Trojan, the virus not the condom, and all of my pictures and music were deleted, damn me for not having back-ups. Anyway so now I'm re-downloading all my music and stuff to my computer, most pissed about loosing my movies (Latter Days, Memoirs of a Geisha and Sex And The City) but I take it as a sign of a news lease of life and to re-invent myself.
I do re-invent myself every so often but i always keep the good parts of my old self and reincorporate them into the new. This time I'm going for a mix of a few different things i have tried in the past. I don't know if you know this but I LOVE Korean fashion. There is only one store in Dublin that sells Asian clothes and its so over priced. I have decided to start, not dressing like a Korean person, but incorporate Korean fashion into a lot of what I wear. (also I want you guys to listen to BoA I've loved her for years she is amazing, Rain you have no excuse you can buy her new US debut album and we can't buy any of her Cd's here)
Also I will hopefully be blogging a lot more, don't keep me to that, and possibly posting some pictures. I'm hoping that you guys will be patient with me and I just wanna say thank you so much for following my blog I love you guys for it and if you ever want to contact me just send me an e-mail or MSN me @, I would be ecstatic to hear from you. Anyway I have a little news but I waiting for it to develop and I'm not going to spoil it.
Be good,
be well,
Love y'all,
Piece out,

Monday, June 8, 2009


Hey you guys as you may have noticed I haven't been on in a long time. I have just been so busy... I'd just like to let you guys know about my twitter and my YouTube and other accounts, look me up there and then you'll get daily updates if you need it!
Also to Rain, You rock girl I hope YOU especially check these out.
Links Below,
Seán / Angel

My twitter
My YouTube
My Facebook
My Myspace

I don't want a boyfriend! I need a Real man!

Jolin Tsai, a Chinese singer says it all right here!

Monday, June 1, 2009

"A night to remember"

Let me start off by saying I'm sorry for the delay I've been swamped with invites and with improving my YouTube channel. And let me also say that the weekend went entirely not according to plan.

Saturday started with me getting ready too early so I went to the city to meet my good friend Sayaka and her friend Mai before I went to the club. Naturally Ronan joined us. The evening passed quickly enough and we went to Igor's at 8pm sharp. There the party had just began. Vodka and Bacardi were poring into our glasses freely and I was being dolled up to he max. I developed my usual habit of abandoning the English language and resorting to Japanese, as I always do in company of a Japanese person.

By the time we left we were late, Mai and Sayaka were gone home and I was feeling quite tipsy. When we got to the club it was all I wanted it to be and more. Full to the brim with eye candy (and one very generous older gentle man who bought me a few drinks). I purposely sobered up and felt my socialite self come alive with enthusiasm. I mingled, I chatted and I complimented, as usual. However one brief embarrassing moment I mistook someone for a Chinese native, and greeted them in Mandarin. They replied in Japanese so I made a swift recovery, which I later on found very helpful.

The first black out had started and the dancing went mad. I through caution to the wind and danced to my hearts content. Then the drag queen stood on the stage. A Brazilian drag queen by the name of Twiggy. I knew through an ex boyfriend and I was in shock that she had become so big. The announcement was made "We want an Irish boy and a Brazilian boy to come up on stage and have a samba off". Hell bent that some drunken queer wouldn't disgrace my country I made her notice me, then regretting it when she pulled me on stage after recognizing me. Then she chose her Brazilian boy, a stocky guy with short black hair. I was to go first, i winked at my friends in the audience and waited for the samba to play.

The minute the music started my body moved. I used everything I knew, jazz, rumba, samba even belly dance and the crowd loved it. The more they cheered the harder I danced, and they loved it. Then it was the Brazilians turn. I cringed as I prepared to accept defeat, and then watched with flail around on the stage. When he had finished his fish out of water interpretation I stood there applauding... in shock really. The vote was in, the crowd chose and I had won over the people. Making my name known. I stepped off staged greeted and complimented by people I didn't know, rushing to my friends who seemed very proud and excited.

The night went on without a glitch and I wouldn't have had more drink offers if I were sitting on the bar naked. I chose to go back to mingling and danced some more with my friends and before we knew it the lights came up, not because we were coming out of a black out, but because the club had ended, our night over. I went outside to find all my friends and found the guy I had mistaken for Chinese earlier. It turned out he was half Japanese and from San Fransisco CA. I chatted with him and then he offered for me and my friends to come to an after party. I jumped at the opportunity and called them over. We all headed back to his hotel and boy was this an opportunity. The Hotel was one of the best in Dublin, the suit was an apartment and the people who came were all gorgeous.

My new friend was a very wealthy fashion designer. The night went on with more partying, more drinking and more sex. coming from the bathroom I walked in on 5 guys, one of them a friend I brought, having a full blown orgy (no pun intended). The fabulous occupant of said hotel room was, of course, behaving and doing as I do, you know it.... mingling. I was dying to talk to him more. Before he had intrigued me with his personality, so carefree and flamboyant, now I wanted to know about something I never discuss, career. Unfortunately there were people demanding his and my attention and I never got a chance to.

8am came and I was still dunk... unfortunately making the bad choice of taking a friend to Mac Donald's and not sticking around for Breakfast in the lavish suit. Because I am just that classy. But the amazing designer asked us out again the next night.

as I mentioned before I have a YouTube channel, please feel free to visit me, the channel's name is MalchikKalinka, here's a link my favourite video

Sunday, May 24, 2009

My Big Fat Blind Date.

Dating once more. And, men have not changed. I was set up on a blind date on Friday. The guy had to be 300lbs/136kg, twice my weight. However, as we all know, I'm not a superficial person and everyone deserves a chance. Beauty is on the inside right? So the date went ahead. and the two of us went with my friends and his to a trendy night club. Where, instead of my usual dancing, I sat, and cringed as he drank more and more. As I walked into the smoking are, with 300lbs of man supporting himself on my shoulder I saw an old friend.

Shane was the biggest and most successful gold digger I knew. Not only did he live with one of Ireland richest young business men in they're terraced apartment in the hottest part of the city, he also got to flown anywhere he wanted. In the last 5 months for example he had been to New York, Egypt, Paris, London and Cannes. We exchanged kisses and hugs and chatted for a while, while my date tied to put his hand up my shirt. As I struggled against my date, Shane invited me to go to his for a glass of wine and then we could come back here.

So Shane, his boyfriend, me and my blind date, as well as two of his friends, went to the young socialites apartment. We sat on his beautiful balcony, drank wine and chatted about anything, mostly European and South American politics. To my horror my date drank more., He was already very drunk, and now I was scared. Shane pulled me aside and asked me to stay in the guest room. I accepted. The night could only get better... right?

The whole group of us returned to the night club and I was getting annoyed. There were many people I knew in the club so I decided to mingle. And I did, I gossiped, received and exchanged valuable information and caught up with old friends. Unfortunately it was a joy short lived. i was pulled away by a jealous date over twice my weight, he was unbelievably drunk and inappropriate. I decided to go. I told him that I would prefer to be friends and that he and I weren't meant to be. He pulled me close and slurred, "I have dated much more beautiful guys than you. You are the nicest but your kind of ugly" I was appalled. I felt like screaming at him telling him about the photo shoot I did 3 days before hand.

I left and I was followed. I figured it would be inhumane to leave him on the street that drunk so brought him back to Shane's place. What harm could he do? He and I were shown our room and I immediately went to the balcony. I stood overlooking the city and I was joined by my date offering a cigarette, I figured I was stressed so I deserved one. As we smoked there he began to speak about his ex, telling me how beautiful he was, a model in Brazil. i personally was shocked. When we finished and went inside I was happy to be in bed. Until three attempts of sex were launched. I got so angry that I almost hit him. Then it hit me! He was trying to put my self confidence down so I would sleep with him. He thought he could get it so low that I would think I couldn't do better than him.

I realize now that ugly people can be even uglier on the inside. And its down to jealousy and Lack of confidence. However he and I were still talking. Until he saw me exchange phone numbers with another guy the next night when I was out with my friends.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A Public announcement "Poem To A Horse"

They're too far to bring them close, too high to see below, just hanging on they're daily dose. They never needed any one but the rolling papers for they're grass. The lead they're empty brains with they're hydroponic pot. I'm talking about drug users. Dating them to be exact.l And I am sorry to inform you that, as mentioned in the last blog, I have dated a few.

While watching my favourite documentary, Shakira "The tour of the Mongoose", I noticed that lyrics from "Poem To a Horse" were blanked, I have herd that song thousands of times as it was released in 2001. I for the first time realized that the song was about dating someone who smokes pot. I suddenly had a moment of clarity. I thought to myself, "this girls knows what she is talking about". I related and just wished that I realized what the lyrics meant 4 years ago, it would have saved me so much trouble.

I hate coming in second with a lover, even though its impossible not to, but coming in second to skunk killed me. I had a boyfriend who I was completely head over heals for a few years ago. I loved spending every moment I could with him. He loved to spend every moment getting high with me. Am I really that annoying? A solution to a problem in his world, get high, for celebrations, get high, after sex, get high. And whenever I wanted to talk about something serious, it was like talking to a brick wall. We had relationship problems, as all couples do, but our were left neglected and got worse as time went by.

Another drug user dated was during the summer of 2008. He took chemical drugs, ecstasy, cocaine, and even LSD. He and I got on great before he tried to get me to try some. He praised LSD, thinking it was God's elixir. I cringed at the thought. Whenever he was tiered he would take a line of cocaine. When we went out to night club, he took ecstasy. I was dating a man who needed chemical drugs to live and have fun. When you date some one and they tell you that they're dream is to take LSD and see God, you know that's when its time to say goodbye.

I'm writing this to inform people and I hope I'm not too late. Dating a drug user is like dating some one who is in love with your enemy, even if you are a user yourself. You always come in second, and asking/begging them to quit is like "reading poems to a horse". It doesn't register. No matter how much they love you its they're choice at the end of the day.

Gracias por la lectura. Espero que hiciera un impacto en este tema.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Serial or psychological?

*the following blog was written when I was drunk so I'm sorry in advance.

They say "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", but, as I have said before "we are human, so we forget the bad". Did we forget the bad about our exes' and set our partners up for a fall? In my most serious relationship to date, which ended on horrible terms, I can say that I was bitched around, want of a better expression. However, I still find myself missing my ex. Lucas was abusive, he smoked hash constantly and was rude to my friends/family, yet now, a year on, I catch myself saying things like "Lucas was the best" and "I miss Lucas" even though I've been treated so much better since then and I've rebuilt my self confidence after he broke me down. Is it absence making my heart grow fonder, or is it me setting myself up for a great fall? Do I subconsciously want myself to be hurt in the end?

They say that we all have dating patterns, I wanted to know more. I looked into the dating patterns of a few friends. My friend John, who is always complaining about being single has an ongoing history of hooking up with bi-curious or closeted men who want nothing more than a night of fun. Yet still he doesn't understand why he is single, and blames himself. He says that these men somehow come to him and that he doesn't go looking for the. But are we subconsciously choosing them? Do we get some deep down satisfaction in proving ourselves right in the fact that we are hopeless in love? Or are we just that types type?

Questions can be asked and asked until the cows go home. No one seems to want to dig. Except me!

I found that no matter what John seems to find his way in attracting these men. How? Its simple really. On a night out he disappeared and the next morning he had stories of these men who just wanted a hand job and a feel outside a straight bar. However of he hadn't disappeared from the club we were at he probably wouldn't have run into these men and had an uneventful night out with friends. He still swears that these men find him.

I am no exception. Lucas was Brazilian. To this day whenever I see a Brazilian man I feel a compulsive urge to try and get him to notice me, in hope that he will give me what I need. This is not healthy I know, but we all do it and cereal dating is a problem. My solution was to break the mold, well have my date break the mold really. I found a guy who was gorgeous, funny and smart, but totally different from my ex.

He was polite on our date and had nothing but respect for what I had to say. I found him boring. In my head i was screaming "What is wrong with you?". And still the next day I found myself saying to my friend "He didn't have the sex appeal Lucas had". Wanting to know more I decided it was time to get to the source of my addiction and talk to Lucas. I asked his recent ex, who was also bitched around. He gave me Lucas's best friend, Alex's number. Alex told me, "Lucas is a smart asshole" and gave me his e-mail. The smart asshole never replied.

I figured it out. I like unobtainable, uninterested and uncontrollable men. I was the uptown girl looking for my downtown man. I shook myself up with a whole night of deep thinking and tequila sunrises. And my friends and I came to this conclusion over 2am Mac Donnell's "You will always love the one that got away before his time".

Yes Lucas and I ended on sour terms, but he and I had unfinished business and hadn't tied up all the ends, which left us with the "what if?" theory. In reality we would never have worked out, but in fantasy we were too beautiful to be. I am just happy to say that, unlike John, I am not a cereal dater, I just forgot to tie up my loose ends. The solution to this problem was not as simple as the words from the the drunken lesbian waving her cold burger in my face "Burn it".

Burn what? The past? No. The "What if"'s that plagued my mind. I had to shred them. Because we can never carry on a relationship with the past one in mind, easier said than done. Cereal dater or not we have to realize that the person we are dating now is different and we have to leave our expectations at the door and walk in as fresh as a daisy. And hope they do the same.

Monday, May 11, 2009

There is no "I" in team... but theres two is in relationship...

After a brief conversation with my good friend John in a chic Italian cafe in Dublin's new up and coming area, the dock lands, we came to the conclusion that the "modern person" is too selfish for a relationship.
In our early 20's John and I are the "MTV" generation and have lived selfishly, as all young people do and are expected to do. However, has being born into this generation ruined our chances at love? Will our natural "we are the 'it' generation" attitude destroy every relationship we encounter? I had to find out for myself.
I did my research in both the gay and straight community and, this maybe shocking to some but I found no difference other than gay men prefer the 69 position. I really don't conform. I found that the most common reason for a couple (gay and straight) between the age of 20-25 to break up was, "I couldn't handle their shit anymore, I love him/her, but he/she is not right for me." I was in shock. I needed to dig deeper through the generations. Did the Celtic Tiger kill love? I decided I would jump up to my parents generation (40-50). And found out that they worked on the "shit" that we discard in the ex-files.
I looked at my own break-ups, and unfortunately I fall under the same pattern. I have broken up with men over my career and even for the fact I just wanted to be single. Some say that this OK, because I'm young, but I see it in my friends, a complete pattern, even my "older" friends have the same attitude to relationships.
It was then that I decided to look into the real "it generation" the people aged 30-39. Marco, a successful Banker in his early 30's, has been in generations and has broken up with men for the same reasons I have on many occasions and lives the life of a single man on the town. When I asked if he would ever consider a relationship he just answered "If the guy is right for me.". This stuck me as odd because Marco hasn't dated a guy longer than one month before listing off the things he finds wrong with the person. How do we know if they're right for us if we don't give them a chance?
It is obvious to me that we have confused self efficient with self destructive. We have had the world practically handed to us during the recession break and have forgotten how to work for thing. I am going to stick to my guns and work on whats wrong with my relationship to make more and more beautifully imperfect everyday, becauseI know that it takes two to make a relationship. Relationships are never perfect but if we all just keep striving for perfection we'll get it. And live perfectly ever after... alone.

Gracias por la lectura.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The account of dating

I have a new found respect for gold diggers. I would just like to start by saying keep up the good work, they deserve it.

I have recently gotten out of a relationship with a very wealthy man. And I would just like to say that leaving him for my current boyfriend was the best choice I have ever made. Without a bitter tone or an ounce of malicious intent I can say this; not only are rich boys pampered and greedy, but they are also ignorant, disrespectful and irresponsible, not to mention they hate to not get what they want. I am not basing my opinion on this one man and one experience, but in 3 accounts. I have dated at least three men from wealthy backgrounds, and each man was the same, selfish, possessive and ignorant. They were even racist.

I would like to make a retraction on a statement. They are not men, they are boys.

These boys not only treated me like a possession, an inanimate object, they also had tantrums any time I didn't give them what they wanted or said something that they didn't agree with. I found each one lazy and childish. When did it become acceptable for a twenty five-year-old to call his lover a whore when his lover does not want to make him a cup of tea? It is in my opinion that these boys do not believe that they are abnormal. They believe their behaviour is socially acceptable and if you tall them otherwise they will retaliate by calling you childish names and making orders.

The parents believe they raised their son to be humble. Excuse me while I laugh. The boys parents, whether they came from a wealthy family or not, are snobs. I have never met a rich business person who did not look through their nose at me. Unfortunately I dated their sons.

Another retraction. The parents are not to blame. The Nanny's are.

I would really like to know if its just my generation or have wealthy mean throughout history been like this? Are all heirs whining, self centered, greedy and possessive? Does Prince Harry behave like this? These questions and more arise the more you think about it.

I am trying to raise awareness of this problem. And warn people of what these bizarre creatures are like. Beware of the rich boy and his charm. He may seem adorable. But we were all adorable at the age of five when we wanted something. So, yes, their bank balance does count.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

veinte cosas que amo. (en ninguna orden exacta.)

#1. Sexo por la mañana.

#2. Verano.

#3. Música.

#4. Muchachos latinos. ^^

#5. Canto en la ducha.

#6. Perritos.

#7. Risa.

#8. Haciendo mis amigos risa.

#9. El besarse.

#10. El sol.

#11. La lluvia.

#12. Mis ojos.

#13. El dormir en el sol.

#14. Amor.

#15. Sonrisa.

#16. El hablar con los amigos.

#17. Colores

#18. Abrazos.

#19. Helado.

#20. baile.

twenty things that I love. (in no exact order.)

#1. Morning sex.

#2. Summer.

#3. Music.

#4. Latin boys. ^^

#5. Singing in the shower.

#6. Puppies.

#7. Laughter.

#8. Making my friends laugh.

#9. Kissing itself.

#10. The sun.

#11. Rain.

#12. My eyes.

#13. Sleeping in the sun.

#14. Love.

#15. Smile.

#16. Talking with my friend.

#17. Colors

#18. Hugs.

#19. Ice cream.

#20. dancing.

¡Shakira no es Britney Spears colombina!

Oí alguien decirlo el otro día। Estaba en choque cuando oí este comentario. No sabía qué decir. Intenté entender lo que exactamente significó la persona cuando dijeron que Shakira es Britney Spears colombina. Nunca entenderé ese comentario.

¡Shakira y Britney no son comparables! Para comparar Shakira a Britany es como comparar a una diosa a una puta। Shakira es talentoso, hermoso, cultivado y el cuidar। Britney no es talentoso y no confía totalmente en su súplica de sexo. Shakira nunca la ha trastornado los seguidores dedicados. Ella se ha bailado en un mundo del dolor para nosotros. Sin embargo Britney ha desconcertado sus seguidores y hecho les defienda su comportamiento indignante. Shakira nunca tiene y nunca hará cualquier cosa hacerle los seguidores desconcertados, ella solamente nos hace cada vez más orgullosos de ella diaria. Y appriciate de I esto tanto porque demuestra amor propio y el respecto por sus seguidores. Britney no respeta sus seguidores. Usted no puede comparar a estas dos mujeres. Es un pecado. Britney nunca será la mujer que es Shakira. Shakira estará siempre en tapa. Musical ella es una mejor calidad y su personalidad es tanto mejor. Shakira ha dado tanto y ha trabajado difícilmente para conseguir a donde ella está. Britney ha tomado y acaba de romper el herslf abajo y necesitado apenas trabajar en absoluto ella acaba de darse su carrera y el dinero y la fama y ella tiene diven la enojada. Shakira es humilde y nunca olvidará de adonde ella ha venido. Ella tiene una buena cabeza en sus hombros. Amo Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll.

Lo siento si ofendí. Sin embargo es mi opinión y es verdad.

¡Gracias por la lectura!

¡Ahora estoy escribiendo un blog!

Hola He decidido escribir un blog, pozo convencido para hacerlo de mi hermano ( No estoy tan demasiado seguro cuál a escribir sobre aquí en el momento sino yo estoy seguro un cierto día que seré apasionado sobre algo y apenas que rant en alrededor él. Si usted quiere comprobar hacia fuera mi myspace here' s el acoplamiento Debo advertirle los individuos para la referencia futura que hablo mi mente, así que si me insulto soy opinión terrible apesadumbrada, pero su mi así que consigo sobre ella, pues mi hermano diría.

No voy a repetir la versión inglesa totalmente porque eso sería insustancial para mí. No todos mis blogs estarán en inglés y español, algunos apenas estarán en inglés y algunos apenas estarán en español. ¿Por qué español? Creo que es la lengua más sexual del mundo. Y beautifull del sonido del español. Amo idiomas en general de todos modos. Pero los españoles, los japoneses y los ingleses son mis idiomas preferidas.

Gracias por la lectura. Le envío mi amor.


I am Now Blogging

Hello I have decided to write a blog, well more convinced to do it by my brother ( OK, so I am not too sure what to write about here at the moment but I'm sure some day I will be passionate about something and just rant on about it. If you want to check out my myspace here's the link I must warn you guys for future reference I speak my mind, so if I insult I am terribly sorry, but its my opinion so get over it, as my brother would say.

I never saw the appeal of blogging before, it always seemed like too much trouble for me. But I realise it is a great way to express your opinion or just have fun so here I am typing to my hearts content about whatever pops into my head. Which is theraputic in a way.

So that is all I have to say at the moment.

Please stay Tuned.

Thank you.