Sasha (part one)

I never intended for this to happen to him, or me, but as I lay there beside my stepbrother, Pasha, both of us covered in his blood, I knew that I would never say his name again without dropping to my knees in tears. After what seemed like three lifetimes I lifted my head to look at him, he looked so peaceful after the horror that had just happened, he was always so calm. I rose, my longs curls heavy and wet with his blood. However half way up I slipped on his crimson life and fell onto his lifeless and cooling body. I put my head on his chest willing his heart to beat and feeling the last of his warmth. My eyes swelled, my throat choked and I fully collapsed onto what was the body of my stepbrother, best-friend, ally and most of all my lover.I closed my eyes staying still, hoping that maybe his soul will feel mine and will him to life, or his will take me with him. but I was still breathing, and he wasn't. I begged my heart to slop beating, it went on. I tried to stop breathing, I lived. I stayed in the world I was born to. He went to the world that stole so many others from me. My eyelids became heavy and I gave in to the dark. As I slept I dreamed of snow and the tiger that I had once seen in Siberia when I was a young girl. Its steel eyes had pierced me like an icy knife, its loneliness entered me and I felt like it had possessed me, just before my father shot it.I woke and got up and made my way to the arm chair in the corner. The blood was still wet on the tiles but I didn't slip. I sat and lit a cigarette. I stared at his remains. He was gone, truly not in my world anymore and never again will he touch me. Never again will he smell my brown curls and tell me how I smell of vanilla. However I didn't feel a thing. My thoughts from before had become irrelevant. And I was running out of time. It was going to get dark soon. I made my way up the stairs of our mansion to the bathroom so I could bath. The water running red to pink to clear. I scrubbed my skin raw and as I stepped out onto the towel I had laid out I knew then my life from before was over and that nothing could hold me back.I dressed in my black riding clothes and looked and caressed all of my dresses, I would never wear or see any of them again. I opened my jewellery box and held my diamonds, none of them mattered anymore. I took Pasha's handgun from his bedside table and left a room I had put so much into, never to return. As I made my way to the entrance-hall where Pasha's body lay I prayed no one would see me leave.That however was the least of my worries. Half way down the stairs I stopped to stare at the pool of blood on what once was my prized Moroccan tile floor. The pool of blood where Pasha lay was now empty. I had taken too long. before I could think-'My love, your washed, I had the maid make us dinner.' he stood at the end of my staircase smiling at me. The empty shell of a man who once lived.