Sasha (part one)

I never intended for this to happen to him, or me, but as I lay there beside my stepbrother, Pasha, both of us covered in his blood, I knew that I would never say his name again without dropping to my knees in tears. After what seemed like three lifetimes I lifted my head to look at him, he looked so peaceful after the horror that had just happened, he was always so calm. I rose, my longs curls heavy and wet with his blood. However half way up I slipped on his crimson life and fell onto his lifeless and cooling body. I put my head on his chest willing his heart to beat and feeling the last of his warmth. My eyes swelled, my throat choked and I fully collapsed onto what was the body of my stepbrother, best-friend, ally and most of all my lover.I closed my eyes staying still, hoping that maybe his soul will feel mine and will him to life, or his will take me with him. but I was still breathing, and he wasn't. I begged my heart to slop beating, it went on. I tried to stop breathing, I lived. I stayed in the world I was born to. He went to the world that stole so many others from me. My eyelids became heavy and I gave in to the dark. As I slept I dreamed of snow and the tiger that I had once seen in Siberia when I was a young girl. Its steel eyes had pierced me like an icy knife, its loneliness entered me and I felt like it had possessed me, just before my father shot it.I woke and got up and made my way to the arm chair in the corner. The blood was still wet on the tiles but I didn't slip. I sat and lit a cigarette. I stared at his remains. He was gone, truly not in my world anymore and never again will he touch me. Never again will he smell my brown curls and tell me how I smell of vanilla. However I didn't feel a thing. My thoughts from before had become irrelevant. And I was running out of time. It was going to get dark soon. I made my way up the stairs of our mansion to the bathroom so I could bath. The water running red to pink to clear. I scrubbed my skin raw and as I stepped out onto the towel I had laid out I knew then my life from before was over and that nothing could hold me back.I dressed in my black riding clothes and looked and caressed all of my dresses, I would never wear or see any of them again. I opened my jewellery box and held my diamonds, none of them mattered anymore. I took Pasha's handgun from his bedside table and left a room I had put so much into, never to return. As I made my way to the entrance-hall where Pasha's body lay I prayed no one would see me leave.That however was the least of my worries. Half way down the stairs I stopped to stare at the pool of blood on what once was my prized Moroccan tile floor. The pool of blood where Pasha lay was now empty. I had taken too long. before I could think-'My love, your washed, I had the maid make us dinner.' he stood at the end of my staircase smiling at me. The empty shell of a man who once lived.

I am in tears.I

I found out while watching Sex And The City I thought it was a cruel joke. So sad...

I have just learned that the man I admired, one of my idols, a dance icon has passed away. I am sorry to say that Micheal Jackson is dead. He was to me a great icon and a great man. A force in the music industry not to be reckoned with. I am in shock, shaking and my heart is pounding like a jackhammer I am crying while writing this and I just received a vulgar text message! I did not and do not believe the horrible rumours he was an amazing hero to me and if anyone wants to dare say a word against him you might as well castrate yourself honey because I'll do much worse! I don't want to make this entry sour as it is in his memory that I write this! Micheal Jackson was an idol to many and I based a lot of my dance style on his and I am going to make sure that his name as a dancer will be passed down through the generations. I never cry but here I am! Let me just leave it with this. He is away from despicable rumours paparazzi and out of pain. God rest his soul. I won't sleep tonight. My thoughts are with his kids and the rest of the Jackson Family!


you are not alone I am here with you though your far away I am here to stay you are not alone I am here with you though we're far apart your always in my heart ♥ ♥ ♥

My new cru

So I'm doing it! I'm getting a cru together. I've always wanted to do this and can't wait until its all materialized. My friend David and I sat down for drinks yesterday and talked about shit all. I finally mentioned I wanted to start up a dance cru and he said he'd be hella interested. Now I was all like "Awe dude, this would be great but how the fuck would we get it together?" then I though "fuck it bitch" cause I can do it! When we put our hearts and minds down on something we can make it possible and a reality!

Dancing solo is awesome and I love it but being in a cru y'all, you don't know how great the feeling is. Also the choreography has no limits with the more people you have. I want to make a cru of 3 boys and 3 girls, sounds perfect to me. I already have 2 boys, I count as one and the other is David. My friend Ethan wanted to join but I had to have a chat with him because he is a high school senior and has a job and a weekly dance class so I didn't think he could take the stress and he agreed. So its me and David. I want to make this cru as diverse as possible. It has me, uh weirdo, David, young black gay, and hopefully will get more mixture as we progress. The style I am used to is hip-hop and I love ballet, contemporary and lyrical. All completely different styles and that how I like my dancers, with the classical know-how but they got that bite of street butch! I'm looking forward to this and I wish i had more to write but I don't I am just totally spaced right now.... lol
OH I have been practicing my Australian accent... sound like New Zealand-ish... ok I will think of a prize for some one who can tell me what is the correct term for New Zealand-ish etc... and they open Wikipedia

OK y'all updates!

• I have decided to see how I feel in September about the whole moving country shiz but honestly I don't know anything about my future right no so we'll have to see.
• I totally loved this "The bunny part gave me this visual of the energizer bunny snorting cocaine...Hahahahaha!" made me giggle for hours and still does, so like me.
• To Rain, my other sock got eating by my beast of a washing machine.
• My friend who thought I was bitching about him is talking to me, kinda, and I'm keeping away from them for a while.
• My hair has faded because of the sun... yes I'm afraid its not as dark and sexual as before unfortunately and my eyebrows are still blond so I have to use mascara.

Fallen Angel State Side?

You won't freaking believe how frustrating and complicated it is to explain the fact that you are broke! OK so chatting to my good friend in Texas, asks me to come over and says I should move to the states, (DUDE I'm an actor! WTF else do you think I wanna do?) and then one of my best friends in San Diego says the same thing and they're both all like "Yeah you just gotta stop being lazy." DOES THE "R" WORS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? I don't wanna upset anyone by saying recession, oops, oh well. Anyway so I have all these people saying that I should just move countries, continents even as if it were changing underwear (gave y'all a picture didn't I? Turned on?). But seriously I told both of them "I can't I'm broke and nowhere will hire me" They won't, my 17 year old little brother, love ya Stephen, who is fresh out of high school has more of a chance of getting a job than me, honestly its because I'm a clouts and they can tell in the interviews or whatever, evil horse fuckers! Eww WTF did I just Write? Oh well done now.. OK on other news... hm nothing going down really... OH YAH Hum My friend from SD was all like, "Oh just come to college here!" and I was like "Oh cool your college? What are the Fees like?" she said "Oh hum $300 a semester." A SEMESTER BITCH? I cannot afford a freaking new camcorder to make my YouTube videos so like hell I can afford that!



Oh my god...

Oh my god...

Oh my freaking god

and you guys know I never say "Oh my god" I say "Oh my gosh" but this deserves an "Oh my god"

someone just asked me to move to Canada... CANADA? WTF?



OK OK OK OK OK

I'm breathing.....



Yeah so updates on previous posts time you guys...

Hum nothing has happened with my bitchy Lil friends I'm keeping out of it and I realized I used they're real names a couple times ha ha. Also the BoA album rocks my sock, I am usually sick of an album by now but no not this one this one I love. And I'm loving my new hair... did you notice my profile pic changed.. OMG I am so freaking sleep deprived... i also want to apologize because I just realized this is the second blog I complain about my financial state and I'm sorry y'all... OK so it is 1:30ish GMT I am on SD time so yeah woah awake like a bunny on speed, crack, and anything else it found in mama's drawers....



Oh my gosh don't you feel sorry for Stephen right now? He has to deal with this like all the time...



OK see y'all laters... ohm I just learned ttys the other day HA loves it... OK ciao...

Kisses... Oh and I shouted out to you Rain on my new YouTube vid cause you know your my gurl lol... OK what am I takin' cause I love it!!!



BYEEEE



xxxxxxx

Blondes have more fun?

Guys I have changed my hair color as of yesterday...

I love it, and so do others and picture don't do it justice it is an amazing hair color and I love it on me.

It makes me look sophisticated and sexy I fine lol

as i said pictures don't do it justice,

but here is a pic...

as I am keeping it secret this is the first place I will be posting pictures of my new hair and I won't post them anywhere else for a while...

The lil low down on my life so far

Oh my gosh you guys how hard is it for me to freaking make it in showbiz? I never mentioned this but I auditioned for a movie about a month ago, name shall remain anonymous as I don't want a lawyer knocking on my door, and I heard from the director saying it was great! Nothing since. The movie was going to be shot in LA but they changed location to some place in Ohio... I think, anyway I am presuming that I so didn't get the part.,.. probably because I'm not American and the amount of paperwork that would have to be filled out to employ me would be so expensive... any ways I'm not bummed because I never got my hopes up really so... bleh... but I am kinda pissed that its so hard because I'm not in the right country... so gagging for a US visa right now.... a visa credit card too actually, DO YOU KNOW HOW BROKE I AM? oh my gosh I have no money... thank God I'm sick of going out... rumours and shit have started spreading about me and stuff its so annoying I wanna move somewhere to make a fresh start... was thinking Austin TX lol anyway thank you guys so much for reading... I'm posting a new video on YouTube where I look crap and Rain girl you should so get a YouTube Channel account just to subscriber and its so convenient because they suggest Videos you may like and you get to keep informed on your subscribers activity... I ended this a paragraph ago lol awesome well hope you guys are doing well and I'll talk to Stephen today and tell him to Blog omg its usually the other way around!!!

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/home.php?ref=home

heads up!

Hey guys. Life is actually going really slow lately, no dates, no nothing, I'm actually staying in a lot. Hum bad news... last night I got a Trojan, the virus not the condom, and all of my pictures and music were deleted, damn me for not having back-ups. Anyway so now I'm re-downloading all my music and stuff to my computer, most pissed about loosing my movies (Latter Days, Memoirs of a Geisha and Sex And The City) but I take it as a sign of a news lease of life and to re-invent myself.
I do re-invent myself every so often but i always keep the good parts of my old self and reincorporate them into the new. This time I'm going for a mix of a few different things i have tried in the past. I don't know if you know this but I LOVE Korean fashion. There is only one store in Dublin that sells Asian clothes and its so over priced. I have decided to start, not dressing like a Korean person, but incorporate Korean fashion into a lot of what I wear. (also I want you guys to listen to BoA I've loved her for years she is amazing, Rain you have no excuse you can buy her new US debut album and we can't buy any of her Cd's here)
Also I will hopefully be blogging a lot more, don't keep me to that, and possibly posting some pictures. I'm hoping that you guys will be patient with me and I just wanna say thank you so much for following my blog I love you guys for it and if you ever want to contact me just send me an e-mail or MSN me @ sweethoneysean@hotmail.com, I would be ecstatic to hear from you. Anyway I have a little news but I waiting for it to develop and I'm not going to spoil it.
Be good,
be well,
Love y'all,
Piece out,
Angel.
<3

Twitter

Hey you guys as you may have noticed I haven't been on in a long time. I have just been so busy... I'd just like to let you guys know about my twitter and my YouTube and other accounts, look me up there and then you'll get daily updates if you need it!
Also to Rain, You rock girl I hope YOU especially check these out.
Links Below,
Love,
Seán / Angel
xoxox

My twitter http://twitter.com/tomo8dachi
My YouTube http://www.youtube.com/user/MalchikKalinka
My Facebook http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/profile.php?id=1315833843&ref=profile
My Myspace http://www.myspace.com/dance_lovin

I don't want a boyfriend! I need a Real man!

Jolin Tsai, a Chinese singer says it all right here!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WmBl3Qefvjs

"A night to remember"

Let me start off by saying I'm sorry for the delay I've been swamped with invites and with improving my YouTube channel. And let me also say that the weekend went entirely not according to plan.

Saturday started with me getting ready too early so I went to the city to meet my good friend Sayaka and her friend Mai before I went to the club. Naturally Ronan joined us. The evening passed quickly enough and we went to Igor's at 8pm sharp. There the party had just began. Vodka and Bacardi were poring into our glasses freely and I was being dolled up to he max. I developed my usual habit of abandoning the English language and resorting to Japanese, as I always do in company of a Japanese person.

By the time we left we were late, Mai and Sayaka were gone home and I was feeling quite tipsy. When we got to the club it was all I wanted it to be and more. Full to the brim with eye candy (and one very generous older gentle man who bought me a few drinks). I purposely sobered up and felt my socialite self come alive with enthusiasm. I mingled, I chatted and I complimented, as usual. However one brief embarrassing moment I mistook someone for a Chinese native, and greeted them in Mandarin. They replied in Japanese so I made a swift recovery, which I later on found very helpful.

The first black out had started and the dancing went mad. I through caution to the wind and danced to my hearts content. Then the drag queen stood on the stage. A Brazilian drag queen by the name of Twiggy. I knew through an ex boyfriend and I was in shock that she had become so big. The announcement was made "We want an Irish boy and a Brazilian boy to come up on stage and have a samba off". Hell bent that some drunken queer wouldn't disgrace my country I made her notice me, then regretting it when she pulled me on stage after recognizing me. Then she chose her Brazilian boy, a stocky guy with short black hair. I was to go first, i winked at my friends in the audience and waited for the samba to play.

The minute the music started my body moved. I used everything I knew, jazz, rumba, samba even belly dance and the crowd loved it. The more they cheered the harder I danced, and they loved it. Then it was the Brazilians turn. I cringed as I prepared to accept defeat, and then watched with flail around on the stage. When he had finished his fish out of water interpretation I stood there applauding... in shock really. The vote was in, the crowd chose and I had won over the people. Making my name known. I stepped off staged greeted and complimented by people I didn't know, rushing to my friends who seemed very proud and excited.

The night went on without a glitch and I wouldn't have had more drink offers if I were sitting on the bar naked. I chose to go back to mingling and danced some more with my friends and before we knew it the lights came up, not because we were coming out of a black out, but because the club had ended, our night over. I went outside to find all my friends and found the guy I had mistaken for Chinese earlier. It turned out he was half Japanese and from San Fransisco CA. I chatted with him and then he offered for me and my friends to come to an after party. I jumped at the opportunity and called them over. We all headed back to his hotel and boy was this an opportunity. The Hotel was one of the best in Dublin, the suit was an apartment and the people who came were all gorgeous.

My new friend was a very wealthy fashion designer. The night went on with more partying, more drinking and more sex. coming from the bathroom I walked in on 5 guys, one of them a friend I brought, having a full blown orgy (no pun intended). The fabulous occupant of said hotel room was, of course, behaving and doing as I do, you know it.... mingling. I was dying to talk to him more. Before he had intrigued me with his personality, so carefree and flamboyant, now I wanted to know about something I never discuss, career. Unfortunately there were people demanding his and my attention and I never got a chance to.

8am came and I was still dunk... unfortunately making the bad choice of taking a friend to Mac Donald's and not sticking around for Breakfast in the lavish suit. Because I am just that classy. But the amazing designer asked us out again the next night.

as I mentioned before I have a YouTube channel, please feel free to visit me, the channel's name is MalchikKalinka, here's a link my favourite video http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D-u7LXa_8ZEc&h=c467050f58998c1e4474ee70e21e1c13